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Waking Up At 3 A.M.? Here's What This Sleep Specialist Recommends
Do you find yourself staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., frustration building with each passing minute? You're not alone. This phenomenon, often called "middle-of-the-night insomnia," affects millions of people, especially as we age.
According to Wendy Troxel, Ph.D., one of the leading voices in behavioral sleep medicine, these awakenings aren't inherently problematic. It's what we do next that matters.
As a licensed clinical psychologist, certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist, and Senior Behavioral Scientist at the RAND Corporation, Troxel has spent over 15 years studying sleep's effects on everything from intimate relationships to cognitive function.
On the mindbodygreen podcast, she shared her expert strategies for those frustrating middle-of-the-night wake-ups that can leave us feeling exhausted and irritable the next day.
Why your 3 a.m. wake-ups are sabotaging your sleep
First, let's clear up a common misconception: waking up during the night is completely normal. "Sleep is a highly dynamic state, and so waking up in the middle of the night is partly just part of the process of sleep," Troxel explains. The real problem begins when you can't fall back asleep, and more importantly, when you become increasingly frustrated about it.
When you wake at 3 a.m. and find yourself unable to drift off again, a harmful cycle begins. "That breeds frustration and anxiety," says Troxel. "The habit that's forming is not only the inability to fall back to sleep, but it's being awake and frustrated in bed."
This emotional response activates your sympathetic nervous system—your body's "fight or flight" mode, making sleep even more elusive.
Worse yet, many people instinctively check the clock, which Troxel strongly advises against. "Nothing good ever comes from looking at the clock at three o'clock in the morning," she warns. Seeing those glowing numbers only increases anxiety as you calculate how little sleep you'll get if you don't fall back asleep soon.
The science-backed solution for middle-of-the-night insomnia
Troxel's number one recommendation is surprisingly counterintuitive: if you can't fall back asleep within 20-30 minutes, get out of bed entirely. This approach, known as stimulus control therapy, is among the most evidence-based strategies for combating insomnia.
Here's how to implement it:
- Don't check the clock (use your internal sense of time to estimate 20-30 minutes)
- Leave your bedroom and go to another room
- Engage in a relaxing but distracting activity under low lighting
- Return to bed only when you start feeling sleepy again
"People get this technique wrong because they think, 'Oh, I need to go do something boring.' It's not about that," Troxel clarifies. "The first technique is to get your brain off the fact that you're not sleeping and you're really frustrated about it."
She suggests reading a book, watching TV (with low brightness), doing a mindfulness coloring book, knitting, or even folding laundry. The key is finding something engaging enough to distract your mind without being so stimulating that it keeps you awake.
Prevent middle-of-the-night thoughts with this journaling practice
For those whose 3 a.m. wake-ups are accompanied by racing thoughts and worries, Troxel recommends a preventative strategy called a "scheduled worry exercise". This research-backed technique helps create psychological distance between you and your concerns before they invade your sleep.
Here's how to do it:
- Set aside 10-15 minutes in the early evening (at least a few hours before bed)
- Use a timer (Troxel prefers an old-fashioned egg timer)
- Write down every thought, worry, or concern on your mind
- When the timer rings, literally close your notebook, signaling to your brain that worry time is over
- Practice this daily for at least two weeks
Many people find that over time, they have fewer worries to write down—a sign that the technique is working.
The takeaway
Those 3 a.m. wake-ups don't have to derail your sleep quality or next-day functioning. By implementing Troxel's evidence-based strategies—getting out of bed when sleep is elusive and practicing scheduled worry time—you can break the frustration cycle that perpetuates sleeplessness. Remember that waking during the night is normal; it's your response that determines whether it becomes problematic.
As Troxel emphasizes, good sleep isn't just about what happens at night—it's a 24-hour practice that begins the moment you wake up and involves how you regulate your emotions throughout the day.
By approaching sleep with mindfulness rather than frustration, you're taking a powerful step toward reclaiming those lost middle-of-the-night hours and transforming your relationship with sleep itself.